Friday, March 9, 2007

Love C: 9/20, on the eve of the story, inside night. Clark

hadn’t talked to me for hours – then he wanted to sleep.

I lay there wondering if I was within my rights. I needed something. He had turned out the light without asking me, he had got into bed with his underwear on. He had turned his back. At last I had to bug him, it was one of those “How can you sleep at such a time” lines:

I: “You asked me to tell you if you’d done anything wrong in this relationship. I know this isn’t a good time, but it’s on me now, so I’d really like to talk about this. It’s just that your withdrawal from me, under the circumstances, has been really painful, and –“

CLARK: “It’s my right to withdraw from a relationship if I want

I began to cry. Because I cried often at that time, it was hideous, not poignant. He looked at the pillow while I cried.

CLARK: “No, Sandy. I’d like to agree with you, but I can’t. I don’t think it would do you any good. I think one of the reasons I’ve withdrawn from you is that you’re so demanding. And it’s strange, because you’re a very independent woman. But your demands for attention, love and protection are so extreme no man could fulfill them. It can only inspire revulsion or domination. And I don’t believe it’s about your divorce.”

I was about to capitulate – yes, I was needy, I was co-dependent – I would thank him for his honesty, his courage in confronting me – he would stroke my face, then, moved – we would have sex – I would fall asleep, demands met –

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